The Female Side

Because this side of the internet doesn’t have a lot of women, it’s common for us to feel isolated or unheard. So this is an open thread dedicated to any of the women who drop by. Chat, vent, post your favorite math problems, whatever you want (erm, within reason.) We understand.

(If any of our fine male readers wish to chat, there are folks already doing so in the About page, or anyone can post off-topic thing on any thread, really it’s fine.)

Since this is a new endeavor, we might change things to be more useful over time.


21 thoughts on “The Female Side

  1. So, my little name goof acquired me a squicky follower to a blog I had not real intention of starting. Maybe if it had been, like, the 352nd follower or something, I wouldn’t have cared either way… This seems relevant to the specific motivation for creating this page…


  2. I wonder if you have any thoughts on a reverse of the seemingly “typical” political coupling. My husband is a card-carrying bona fide pro-open borders socialist, while I’m a Trump-voting HBD-realist libertarian/conservative mashup.

    In terms of gender dynamics we’re pretty traditional, I keep house, do all the cooking, wait on him etc. and if we can swing it financially, we hope I can be a homeschooling SAHM in the near future. My natural personality is very deferential non-confrontational so the political difference hasn’t caused any issues so far, although I’m not sure how much he really understands my positions since I defer to his opinions in the day-to-day. I even offered to vote for whoever he told me to, but he passed on that so I voted Trump.

    I guess I don’t really have a definitive question, I’m just curious what thoughts you might have on this dynamic and what pitfalls to look out for. I’ve been following your blog for a long time (and I’ve seen you around reddit’s RPW subs in the past) and to say I’m a huge fan would be putting it mildly.


    • Are you my long-lost identical twin? (I’m pretty sure I don’t have one, for the record… my mom distinctly remembers giving birth to me and only me.)

      I’m kind of in a similar situation, except my other half is more of a go-with-current-popular-“wisdom”-liberal. The slight irony is that when we met, he was much more anti-immigration and I was more of a classic libertarian open-borders advocate… (ironically, he’s not originally from this country, and I don’t think his mom was entirely legit when they arrived here originally, and I think she’s a big reason I’ve become, if not anti-immigration, far less open-borders. I was always big on security, and with her being a not-so-nice-person, plus of British heritage from an Anglosphere country, I was able to overcome my issues with the racism/xenophobia angle…). I’m also more confrontational at times, from a long line of midwestern women who were anything but pushovers. I actually offered to let him tell me what to do, but he realized that it kind of defeated the purpose if I had voted for Hilary because my husband told me to… That said, I kind of am like that one film director: “Um, I think I voted for the libertarian or something.” (I remember exactly who I voted for, and it wasn’t Johnson, but if you see me in real life, I’ll probably say I voted for the libertarian or something.)

      (Word of warning to liberals looking to “convert” libertarians: Be careful how you “disprove” libertarianism, lest you turn your prospective liberal into a right-winger by mistake…)


    • Hi, and thanks for the kind words about my blog. Sorry I haven’t been around RPW much; it’s really just a time issue.

      If you two are happy together and the dynamic works for you, that’s the most important thing. Outsiders are often terrible judges of how well things are going inside a marriage.

      But I do think one of the things that helps a marriage be healthy is for the partners to have something they enjoy discussing/debating. If they agree on everything, then what is there to talk about? Of course it is a matter of degree; disagreeing about everything would be an issue. Since you are married, I assume there are actually a great many practical parts of life you agree on.

      You probably already know this, but the one thing I’ve seen with socialists that makes marriages go badly is when they get into the poly community. Obviously I have no idea whether that’s a potential issue in your life.

      Have a lovely 4th!


    • I felt emotional reading this- it could have been me that wrote it. In fact, since this page was created, I’ve been trying to figure out how to pretty much ask this question. My husband isn’t a socialist, but more of a mainstream liberal. I completely understand where he is coming from- he grew up fairly poor, blue collar Union father, in a poor and very homogenous state. He is very empathetic, and that is one of the main drivers to his views. I have the same thing where I don’t make my views known too forcefully and tend to defer, especially since the election of Trump, because everyone is just SO angry right now (and I didn’t even vote for Trump.) I don’t like confrontation either.

      I also have an extra added layer to this as where I live is in one of the most liberal cities, I went to art school, and work in the art field (though I’m a SAHM now and just freelance), and consequently all of my friends/acquaintances/coworkers are pretty liberal- in fact, I think I’ve only ever really had like 2.5 libertarian-ish friends, ever, and none of them are women. There seems to be a bit more added pressure on women to stick together with the mainstream liberal views (though I guess I don’t really know, just my perception.) To be clear, I absolutely love my husband, I love the work I do, where I live, and my friends. I realize that I made choices every step of the way to be where I am and around the people I’m around. But still, it is just weird sometimes- like a bit isolating, or like everyone can get excited and bond and make work about ideas that don’t seem right or truthful to me. I struggle with a lot of self doubt about my beliefs, and also sometimes guilt that I don’t or can’t make a better effort to get people around me to understand ideas that I think are more truthful, if that makes sense. It’s doubly hard because I’m supposed to be trained to communicate ideas visually and effectively.

      I also don’t really have a question, but it meant a lot to me to read your comment so I wanted to respond.


      • My apologies for the delay in unscreening your comment; I’ve been out of town.

        I sympathize with the feeling of being surrounded by liberals all the time (or at least most of the time, in my case.) To me… there is this sense that even among otherwise very nice and sweet people, conservative (or just unusual) views are not just unorthodox, but evoke downright angry reactions. Even what ought to be very simple conversations like “So how much funding should schools have?” (and I am pretty pro-public schools) degenerates into “oh you’re just one of those conservatives who hates education and wants everyone to be dumb.’ (I am only paraphrasing a tiny bit.) Outside of certain close friends/family members, I simply don’t talk about politics in any meaningful way with anyone in real life anymore. There is, as you say, too much anger.

        Welcome to the thread.


  3. THIS exactly, same, even down to the education conversation you mention. I had a very awkward weekend in the beginning of the year trying to explain why I didn’t want to go to the Women’s March, and it was just like, hostility, anger, and disappointment all around. I think I semi-lost someone I was in the process of becoming friends with (that I really, genuinely like) over it, and it was literally from one fairly mellow comment over text message. It felt absolutely horrible.

    Something I’d love to discuss with other like-minded people would be…trying to think how to phrase this… how to talk about things (or what to talk about) with others and get them to at the very least think, hmm, I hadn’t considered it that way before. If things are true, they have a way of sticking in your mind, and sticking to other ideas (or at least they do for me.) I think it has to be a little…not exactly sneaky… but not, like, trigger the shield, if that makes sense. I’ve been considering this question for a while. The left is AMAZING at doing this- at making art that effectively communicates their viewpoint (maybe because the left tends to come at issues from an emotional place, which is just easier to show, or lends itself better to visual art, than complex arguments?)

    Sorry if that came out vague. I have a few semi-formed ideas but it’s still vague in my mind as well :)


    • I get it. My stomach for getting into debates has gone way, way down. As far as marches go, my husband tried to get me to go to the science one last year, and I’m mostly honest with him. I was almost convinced that it was a non-partisan event, but it didn’t take much reading to convince me otherwise. As far as the women’s march, if my husband ever tries to get me to that one, I think I’ll go with a sign saying “My husband made me come here”…


      • I’ve used the small crazy children who don’t like crowds as an excuse, and I’m starting to worry that some day someone will want to be “helpful” and offer to babysit so I can go to a march…


      • Ha, I used “small child!” as an excuse for the first one, it wore a little thin at this year’s (hence the tense conversations). Pretty excited to be able to bust out “well, now there’s a rambunctious, restless toddler AND a new baby!” for this next one.

        Sadly, most people here just bring their kids and make them carry signs/wear shirts/chant so that they can post photos and videos of them on social media and feel good about themselves. Pure vanity and status signaling.


      • Oh, and I’m sure that the people posting pictures of their kids holding up signs at the women’s march and such would be totally cool with pictures of kids holding up signs at a pro-life march, right?

        (I will say, my super-duper-catholic friends never assume that I’m even religious, and really don’t put me in awkward situations, unlike…)


      • I don’t even talk politics with my kids if I can help it, because I don’t want them to feel pressured to take a particular political point of view. Kids tend to just reflect their parents’ opinions, because they don’t have much experience with the real world.


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