“Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself. … 12 Eat the food as you would a loaf of barley bread; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.” 13 The Lord said, “In this way the people of Israel will eat defiled food among the nations where I will drive them.”
14 Then I said, “Not so, Sovereign Lord! I have never defiled myself. From my youth until now I have never eaten anything found dead or torn by wild animals. No impure meat has ever entered my mouth.”
1“Very well,” he said, “I will let you bake your bread over cow dung instead of human excrement.” –Ezekiel 4:9-15
I was going to do something serious like Carlton Coon or Totem and Taboo but then I found “Scatalogic Rites of All Nations: A Dissertation upon the Employment of Excrementious Remedial Agents in Religion, Therapeutics, Divination, Witchcraft, Love-Philters, etc., in all Parts of the Globe: Based on Original Notes and Personal Observation, and upon Compilation of over One Thousand Authorities,” published in 1891 by John Bourke and “not for general perusal.”
So we’re reading this instead. (As usual, quote from the book will be in “” instead of blockquotes.)
“I. The Urine Dance of the Zunis
“In the evening of November 17, 1881, during my stay in the village of Zuni, New Mexico, the Nehue-C’ue, one of the secret orders of the Zunis, sent word to Mr. Frank H. Cushing, whose guest I was, that they would do us the unusual honor of coming to our house to give us one of their characteristic dances, which, Cushing said, was unprecedented. …
“To the accompaniment of an oblong drum … they shuffled into the long room, crammed with spectators of
both sexes and of all sizes and ages. Their song was apparently a ludicrous reference to everything and everybody in sight, Cushing, Mindeleff, and myself receiving special attention, to the uncontrolled merriment of the red-skinned listeners.
“The dancers suddenly wheeled into line, threw themselves on their knees before my table, and with extravagant beatings of breast began an outlandish but faithful mockery of a Mexican Catholic congregation at vespers. One bawled out a parody upon the pater-noster, another mumbled along in the manner of an old man reciting the rosary,
while the fellow with the India-rubber coat jumped up and began a passionate exhortation of sermon, which for mimetic fidelity was incomparable. This kept the audience laughing with sore sides for some moments, until, at a signal from the leader, the dancers suddenly countermarched out of the room in single file as they had entered.
“… The Kehue-Cue re-entered ; this time two of their number were stark naked. Their singing was very peculiar, and sounded like a chorus of chimney-sweeps, and their dance became a stiff-legged jump, with heels kept twelve inches apart. After they had ambled around the room two or three times, Cushing announced in the Zufii language that a
” feast ” was ready for them … They then squatted upon the ground and consumed with zest large ” ollas ” full of tea, and dishes of hard tack and sugar. As they were about finishing this a squaw entered, carrying an ” olla ” of
urine, of which the filthy brutes drank heartily.
“I refused to believe the evidence of my senses, and asked Cushing if that were really human urine. ” Why, certainly,” replied he, ” and here comes more of it.” This time it was a large tin pailful, not less than two gallons. …
“The dancers swallowed great draughts, smacked their lips, and, amid the roaring merriment of the spectators, remarked that it was very, very good. The clowns were now upon their mettle, each trying to surpass his neighbors in feats of nastiess. One swallowed a fragment of corn-husk, saying he thought it very good and better than bread…
“The Zunis, in explanation, stated that the Nehue-Cue were a Medicine Order, which held these dances from time to time to inure the stomachs of members to any kind of food, no matter how revolting. This statement may seem plausible enough when we understand that religion and medicine, among primitive races, are almost always one and the same thing, or at least so closely intertwined, that it is a matter of difficulty to decide where one begins and the other ends.”
EvX: Lest you think the author is targeting the Zunis, he follows this up with a similar celebration in Europe:
“Loosely corresponding to this urine dance of the Zunis was the Feast of Fools in Continental Europe, the description of which here given is quoted from Dulaure :
[the following is in French, but the author gives a summary]
“In the above description may be seen that the principal actors (taking possession of the church during high mass) had their faces daubed and painted, or masked in a harlequin manner; that they were dressed as clowns or as women; that they ate upon the altar itself sausages and blood-puddings. Now the word ” blood-pudding ” in French is boudin; but boudin also meant “excrement.” Add to this the feature that these clowns, after leaving the church, took their stand in dung-carts (tombereaux) , and threw ordure upon the by-standers; and finally that some of these actors appeared perfectly naked… and it must be admitted that there is certainly a wonderful concatenation of resemblances
between these filthy and inexplicable rites on different sides of a great ocean. …
“Applying the above remark to the Zuni dance, it may be interpreted as a dramatic pictograph of some half-forgotten episode in tribal history. To strengthen this view by example, let us recall the fact that the army of Crusaders under Peter the Hermit was so closely beleaguered by the Moslems in Nicomedia in Bithynia that they were compelled to drink their own urine. We read the narrative set out in cold type. The Zunis would have transmitted a record of the event by a dramatic representation which time would incrust with all the veneration that religion could impart.
“…The urine of horses was drunk by the people of Crotta while besieged by Metellus. — (See, in Montaigne’s Essays, ” On Horses,” cap. xlviii. ; see also, in Harington, “Ajax” — “Ulysses upon Ajax,” p. 42.)
“Shipwrecked English seamen drank human urine for want of water. (See in Purchas, vol. iv. p. 1188.) In the year 1877 Captain Nicholas Nolan, Tenth Cavalry, while scouting with his troop after hostile Indians on the Staked Plains of Texas, was lost ; and as supplies became exhausted, the command was reduced to living for several days on the blood of their horses and their own urine, water not being discovered in that vicinity. — (See Hammersley’s Record of Living Officers of the United States Army.)”
EvX: Though urine’s salt content makes it iffy for rehydration, it’s basically sterile, so drinking small quantities probably won’t hurt you the way eating feces or arsenic can. (We’ve already seen in previous posts that reindeer are quite fond of the salts found in human urine and that actually consuming feces is still used as a medical treatment for certain intestinal disorders, though typically this is done in some way that allows the suffer not to taste it.)
Speaking of feces:
“The following appeared in an article headed “The Last Cholera Epidemic in Paris,” in the ” General Homoeopathic Journal,” vol. cxiii., page 15, 1886: “The neighbors of an establishment famous for its excellent bread, pastry, and similar products of luxury, complained again and again of the disgusting smells which prevailed therein and which penetrated into their dwellings. The appearance of cholera finally lent force to these complaints, and the sanitary inspectors who were sent to investigate the matter found that there was a connection between the water-closets of these dwellings and the reservoir containing the water used in the preparation of the bread. This connection was cut off at once, but the immediate result thereof was a perceptible deterioration of the quality of the bread. Chemists have evidently no difficulty in demonstrating that water impregnated with ‘extract of water-closet,’ has the peculiar property of causing dough to rise particularly fine, thereby imparting to bread the nice appearance and pleasant flavor which is the principal quality of luxurious bread.”
EvX: W. T. F.
“The very earliest accounts of the Indians of Florida and Texas refer to the use of such aliment. Cabeza de Vaca, one of the survivors of the ill-fated expedition of Paufilo de Narvaez, was a prisoner among various tribes for many years, and finally, accompanied by three comrades as wretched as himself, succeeded in traversing the continent, coming out at Culiacan, on the Pacific Coast, in 1536. His narrative says that the ” Floridians,” “for food, dug roots, and that they ate spiders, ants’ eggs, worms, lizards, salamanders, snakes, earth, wood, the dung of deer, and many other things.”
EvX: If we were to arrange the groups mentioned in the book along a “scale of cleanliness,” I think Muslims would come out as the cleanest (I don’t recall mention of Jewish customs), certain pagan groups as the dirtiest*, and Christians in between. I haven’t studied Islam, yet, but my understanding is that it adopted various aspects of Jewish law which has a strong emphasis on cleanliness, eg, the similar laws of kosher and halal dictate which foods are clean to eat and how they should be prepared. Christianity adopted some of the spiritual elements of Judaism, but abandoned the legalistic parts–including all of the rules on things like “how to make sure your oven is clean.” Christians don’t really believe that you can become morally unclean from touching something physically unclean, like menstrual blood.
*Some pagan groups are very clean.
“The German Jesuit, Father Jacob Baegert, speaking of the Lower Californians (among whom he resided continuously from 1748 to 17C5), says: — ” They eat the seeds of the pitahaya (giant cactus) which have passed off undigested from their own stomachs ; they gather their own excrement, separate the seeds from it, roast, grind, and eat them, making merry over the loathsome meal.” And again : ” In the mission of Saint Ignatius, . . . there are persons who will attach a piece of meat to a string and swallow it and pull it out again a dozen times in succession, for the sake of protracting the enjoyment of its taste.”
EvX: For goodness’ sakes, just give the poor men some more meat!
“The Abbe Domenech asserts the same of the bands near Lake Superior : ” In boiling their wild rice to eat, they mix it with the excrement of rabbits, — a delicacy appreciated by the epicures amongthem” …
“Of the negroes of Guinea an old authority relates that they ” ate filthy, stinking elephant’s and buffalo’s flesh, wherein there is a thousand maggots, and many times stinks like carrion. …
“And another says that the Mosagueys make themselves a ” pottage with milk and fresh dung of kine, which, mixed together and heat at the fire, they drinke, saying it makes them strong” …
“(Tunguses of Siberia.) “They eat up every part of the animal which they kill, not throwing away even the impurities of the bowels, with which they make a sort of black pudding by a mixture of blood and fat.” — (Gavrila Sarytschew, in Phillips’s ” Voyages,” London, 1807, vol. v.)
“Natives of Eastern Siberia ” ate with avidity the entrails of the seal without cleaning in the least the partly digested food from the intestines, the ordure of the seal being as offensive to civilized man as the fasces of men or dogs.” — (Personal letter from Chief Engineer Melville, U. S. Navy, to Captain Bourke.) …
” In Queensland, near Darlington, there is a tract of country covered with a peculiar species of pine, yielding an edible nut of which the natives are extremely fond. . . . The men would form large clay pans in the soil, into which they would urinate ; they would then collect an abundance of these seeds and steep them in the urine. A fermentation took place, and all the seeds were devoured greedily, the effect being to cause a temporary madness among the men, — in fact a perfect delirium tremens. On these occasions it was dangerous for any one to approach them. The liquid was not used in any way.” — (Personal letter from John F. Mann, Esq., Neutral Bay, Sydney, New South Wales.)”
EvX: Lest we grow over-proud, let’s remember that anything “fermented” is essentially rotten. Coffee, chocolate, cheese, and bread are all produced via fermentation. Cheese is exceptionally disgusting, because in addition to being inculcated with bacteria and left to rot for a few months, it is first treated with rennet, an enzyme that comes from a calf’s stomach. Rennet makes the cheese coagulate, just as it does while being digested. In other words, cheese is literally rotten vomit.
If that weren’t bad enough, in Sardinia there is a variety of cheese, casu marzu, that is literally full of maggots. When disturbed (such as by someone biting into a piece of the cheese,) the larvae can leap 6 inches into the air.
According to Wikipedia:
- Cacie’ Punt (formaggio punto) in Molise
- Casgiu merzu in Corsica
- Casu du quagghiu in Calabria
- Gorgonzola co-i grilli in Liguria
- Frmag punt in Apulia
- Furmai nis (formaggio Nisso) in Emilia Romagna
- Marcetto or cace fraceche in Abruzzo
- Salterello in Friuli Venezia Giulia
- bross ch’a marcia in Piemonte
- casu puntu in Salento
Several other regional varieties of cheese with fly larvae are produced in Europe. For example, goat-milk cheese is left to the open air until P. casei eggs are naturally laid in the cheese. Then it is aged in white wine, with grapes and honey, preventing the larvae from emerging, giving the cheese a strong flavour. In addition, other regions in Europe have traditional cheeses that rely on live arthropods for ageing and flavouring, such as the German Milbenkäse and French Mimolette, both of which rely on cheese mites.
(Lest you get the wrong impression, I love cheese and sometimes make my own.)
Coffee, while also rotten, is normally less disgusting than cheese. Civet Coffee (aka kopi luwak,) is one of the world’s most expensive varieties, clocking in at $100-$500 a pound. It’s made from coffee beans that were eaten and then pooped out by civets. People used to collect the beans from wild civet droppings just found lying randomly on the ground, but since the coffee caught on as a thing for rich people, the civets have been moved into cages where their poops can be more easily collected.
Unfortunately for connoisseurs, civet coffee apparently doesn’t live up to the hype:
The Specialty Coffee Association of America (SCAA) states that there is a “general consensus within the industry … it just tastes bad”. A coffee professional cited in the SCAA article was able to compare the same beans with and without the kopi luwak process using a rigorous coffee cupping evaluation. He concluded: “it was apparent that Luwak coffee sold for the story, not superior quality…Using the SCAA cupping scale, the Luwak scored two points below the lowest of the other three coffees. It would appear that the Luwak processing diminishes good acidity and flavor and adds smoothness to the body, which is what many people seem to note as a positive to the coffee.”
Tim Carman, food writer for the Washington Post reviewed kopi luwak available to US consumers and concluded “It tasted just like…Folgers. Stale. Lifeless. Petrified dinosaur droppings steeped in bathtub water. I couldn’t finish it.”
As someone who enjoys Target Coffee, I know I’m not much of a connoisseur, but at least I don’t pay $500 a pound for poop coffee.
Let’s continue this discussion next week, with practical (and impractical) uses for urine.